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World of Warcraft Complaint

I wrote this letter to Blizzard after most of my friends came down with World of Warcraft fever.

Blizzard Entertainment Europe
TSA 60 001
78143 velizy-Villacoublay


Dear Sir / Madam,

I am writing to you to ask for my friends back. This may at first seem like a strange request as you probably don't think that you have my friends, but in actual fact you do. Please let me explain.

Although I am undoubtedly not the most popular person in the world, I have always had my fair share of friends and for this I count my self lucky. However, recently I have realized that they are steadily going "missing".

Around 2 years ago I began to notice a couple of friends acting a bit strangely, disappearing early on nights out and often not coming out at all. Even when they were out, they seemed quite irritable and spoke mainly in a language I didn't understand. I began to suspect they were using World Of Warcraft, a game made by your company that was becoming increasingly popular among the online gaming community.

Although somewhat concerned, I accepted the fact that they were entitled to make their own choices and tried not to inflict my views upon them. However, my concerns grew when more and more of my friends decided to follow suit. Within weeks the Warcraft bug managed to spread considerably around my steadily decreasing circle of friends,

Within a year, more than half of the people with whom I had previously socialized on a regular basis were using Warcraft. Some had become so addicted that they could not go without it. Others would swear blind that they could take it or leave it, yet strangely used it every day anyway. All displayed the same classic symptoms: inability to leave the house for long periods of time, irritability when they did so, and the sudden ability to speak an entire new language. Up until this point the only word of the language (which I will call "Wowspeak" from here on) I had managed to learn was "noob". Although unsure as to what this meant, I had the distinct impression that it wasn't exactly a term of endearment.

Obviously seeing so many good people go down to Warcraft was worrying me greatly. The remainder of the group, who had succeeded thus far in resisting Warcraft, became closer than before, united by our growing concern for those within its clutches. This only made it more difficult to see even more of the group start using; people who, like me, had vowed never to even try the game, aware that even a few minutes was enough to get people addicted.

There are now only a few of us left. The group of 20 or so people who used to make regular trips to the pubs at weekends has diminished to just 4 or 5. On the very rare occasion that we manage to muster a crowd of more than 10, conversation quickly becomes dominated by Wowspeak. Several Warcrafters are now jobless, with others on the verge of losing their jobs thanks to their lack of enthusiasm when they hadn't had their "fix".

I am ashamed to admit that I now actually feel somewhat paranoid around those who I call friends. Sharing knowing glances and speaking in Wowspeak so that outsiders can't understand, I have become sure that they are secretly plotting to convert the stubborn few of us who have not yet succumbed (of which I consider myself lucky to be one). The phrases "just try it" and "10 day free trial" are becoming so ingrained in my subconscious that I am worried that one day I might unwittingly become a user in my sleep.

And so I write to you in desperation. The people I have referred to are all good people who previously had healthy social lives. Up until now I am not aware of anyone who has managed to kick the habit. I would be extremely grateful if you could answer the following questions:

  • Was this product tested on animals before it was unleashed on the general public?
  • Are the long-term effects of World Of Warcraft usage known?
  • Are there any known cures or preventative measures for World Of Warcraft addiction?

Please note that this letter is a last resort. I would greatly appreciate answers to the above questions as well as any further advice you can give me. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours sincerely,

Ben Jameson

Blizzard never responded to my genuine complaint, which I was quite disappointed about. I had at least thought they'd see the funny side and play along.

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